40 Things Working Moms Should Know by the Age of 40
The 20s are your decade of uncertainty and experimentation. Your 30s are a time of rootedness and growth. But the 40s? Well, now that I am here, I would say that it’s a decade of expansion and also strategic experimentation—unlike the chaotic experimentation of your earlier years.
Your 40s come with the air of wisdom that you are certain of who you are, and now that you’ve paid your dues, you get to take some chances. You can reinvent yourself a bit. You’re not the most seasoned rooster, but you’re no spring chicken. You have an edge up on the slightly demure but confident 30-year-old you were. And most certainly, you’re a lot sexier and more powerful than you were in your shaky 20s. There are things you know now more than ever because you own who you are, completely.
For me, that’s exactly how it has been. My 20s had extreme joys and lows. The more-rooted growth period of my 30s brought me a child. And now entering my 40s, I feel like I own my own skin and soul. It’s a bit scary and amazing. And while I don’t claim to be an expert at this working motherhood gig, I’ve found there are definitely some things working moms have figured out by the time they hit 40—and that’s a wonderful feeling. Here’s what we’ve got down pat:
2. Mothers-in-law are not supposed to like you if you married their sons … it's against the law … or something like that.
3. Wear sunscreen and, hey, put it on your kids too. Moisturize also, and don't fall asleep in your makeup!
4. Your younger coworker thinks you get away with murder because you have kids and get to leave work sometimes. Give zero f*cks about this. Always.
5. A good bra is a woman's best friend. Pay a little extra if you need a special size. It's worth it.
6. Smile at everyone (minus crazy people, of course). A smile is a calling card for people to like you, trust you and want to know you. Even when you're feeling bad, smile—except when someone orders you to do it. Then scowl.
7. Say no without feeling bad about it. Feeling bad about saying no is a one-way ticket to Guilt City.
8. Also, have boundaries—in fact, you should be the master of boundaries. You show others how to treat you. If you let others treat you badly, they will.
10. Don't apologize unless you actually did something wrong, like committed an injustice or gave an offense. Never apologize for your feelings or your existence.
13. Try to empathize with even your most annoying coworkers. This will make your job easier.
16. Understand that you will have bad days as a mom and sometimes, horrible ones, but know that overall, you're a damn good parent.
18. How to suck it up at a bad job, while looking for a better one because damnit, this is adulting.
20. That sometimes, sticking up for yourself means you're going to piss others off, and it's worth it.
21. Never rest on your laurels. In other words, make sure your resume is always up-to-date and looking sharp.
22. Being comfortable in one's skin is great. Being financially comfortable is good, too. Being comfortable with a bad marriage is awful. Being too comfortable at one's job most likely means you're not challenging yourself. Know when being comfortable is good … and when it is bad.
25. That your kids aren't you, so don't expect them to be. Parent them the way they need, instead of how you envision they "should be."
30. And with that said, you absolutely have to have connections in your neighborhood beyond her friends and family. It takes a village to raise a child.
33. That each childhood phase is a phase, and passes. That wishing for it to end is silly because the next stage will bring new and "interesting" phases as well.
34. Even a mom who can't stand makeup knows at least one good lipstick to use at the drop of a hat for a work meeting, a last-minute date night or any other event.
35. Same with fashion: You know the right look for you when it comes to clothes. You know that some trends work—and some don’t. And it's OK.
36. How to ask for what you need at work, whether it's a raise, promotion, flex hours or a better pumping room.
37. Keeping up with the Joneses is stupid and so are the Joneses. Well, not really. The Jones family is lovely, but alas, keeping up with them is so last century.
39. That venting is an absolute must between friends, but competing and passive-aggressive digs is an absolute no between friends.
40. That you must reinvent yourself each day to learn how to be better at everything, from parenting to work. Everything changes and nothing stays the same, and so neither can you.